Friday, February 11, 2011

Strength, Hope, Confidence, Faith

These four words are getting me through this week.

Last night was going good. I had dinner. I went to Comedy night at the Loft downtown. It was hilarious and made me laugh till I cried-- twice.

Then I went home.

There I learned the most disturbing news I have ever heard. It hit home right in the center of my heart -- litterally like a piping hot spear had hit me in the chest.

I didn't know what to do. I can't run. It's 11:00 at night and scary, bad people are on the streets at this time. Sleeping is not an option. I can't call anyone because I am only about 10% sure of anything I had just heard.

So I cried.    and I cried.. and I cried..

wow. that's a good one.
And then I stopped crying. And I started thinking [outloud] to myself "What are you doing?" .. I had done nothing wrong. I was wronged. By crying more I am only allowing the situation to affect me more. And that has got to stop.

I must have talked out loud to myself for a solid 2 hours.

I decided I am going to be strong throughout this situation. Not just SAY I'm going to do it, but I am. I've wasted enough energy worrying and stressing and questioning. That is over and strength is in.

I also decided I am going to have hope. I am going to live on hope that the future will be better. That this is the lowest point this situation can come to and that there are brighter days ahead. If I don't live like this, how will I live?

I am going to have confidence in myself. The things that are going to change in my life are not going to hurt me. I am going to be "okay". And I'm going to make it to the other side a happier person.

Lastly, I am keeping Faith- as I always should. but faith in this situation. Faith that I've learned something. Faith that God won't throw more than I can catch.
... i'm workin on it.

I feel so much better now.


  1. Wow. I don't have any idea what happened... but I hope you're doing better now (:

    Life can be really rough sometimes... and it's ok to express it, to not be happy for a while... freak out and cry for hours even... get it out ^_^

    That's great that you were able to stop and rise above everything. It's a dang hard thing to do. You might have to keep re-deciding to rise above it.... struggles don't like to go away easily sometimes. But look, you did it! Next time, you'll be that much stronger too (:

    I say, stay strong and keep relying on God like you've been doing. You're right, God won't throw you more than you can catch. And if He does, He gives you people to help you. We were never meant to 'do life' alone. You have my email if you ever ever need anything (:

  2. Trisha, thanks for this I appreciate it. I've never been a "writer" of any kind but it really makes me feel better to put it out there.